One of my goals during my hiatus from work has been to do something that I love on my own: travel. I wanted to go on a trip to help continue my journey of inner work and self discovery. Initially, I thought I would spend six weeks at a monastery in Taiwan but in the end, I went on the most perfect trip three week trip to Guatemala.
Deciding on Where to G(r)o(w)
I wanted to go to Taiwan to continue my learning of Mandarin and deep meditation practices. I reached out to the monastery on Workaway but they got back to me just a little too late. In fact, they got back to me the day after I had booked my flight to Guatemala. Divine timing? I think so…
Why Guatemala? I speak Spanish and the flights were cheap. The flights were also cheap to Costa Rica but something about Guatemala seemed to be calling to me. I had heard many people rave about their travels to Costa Rica but hadn’t heard about anyone traveling to Guatemala. I decided to trust my intuition even though it confused me. Reddit also reassured me about Guatemala being safe for solo travelers so I went ahead and booked my flight.
After booking my flight, I felt tired and dazed so I immediately went to bed. I woke up and felt sick to my stomach – turns out I had COVID. Between recovering from COVID and going through the final rounds of interviews for a promising job, I had very little time to prepare or research ahead of my trip to Guatemala.
Next Stop Guatemala
With very little research ahead of my big trip, I booked a few hotels frantically and then headed for the airport. As I said goodbye, it felt bittersweet. Here I was finally going on my big adventure. But at the same time, I was sad to be leaving the comforts of my partner, my family, my friends, and my two furry best friends.
The first few days in Guatemala I felt lost and lonely. I started to realize how much I had previously relied on alcohol to fuel my socialization with others. I’ve traveled alone before but this time 5 years had passed, and I was no longer drinking alcohol at all. The first three nights I had booked single rooms so I knew that may be lonely.
I talked to a few people here and there but everyone seemed to be moving around, including me. Then I checked into my room at a young party hostel. I expected to be in a shared dorm room but was notified upon arrival that I’d been upgraded to a single room instead. Part of my heart sank thinking of how lonely I was already feeling. Instead of giving in to panic, I told myself that everything is happening for me so there must be a good reason for this.
Everything is always happening FOR me, not to me.
I went on a volcano hike soon after checking in to that single room in a party hostel and again felt lonely among tourists. Initially, I was scared to hike up an active volcano. That’s how people die, I thought to myself. But here I was hiking it and it was breathtaking.
I had great conversations in the back of the hike up with one of the tour guides. We spoke about life in Guatemala, how the panini had affected her lifestyle, and about my life back in the states.
By the Guatemalans, I felt very seen in many ways. But around my fellow tourists, I felt like a nuisance and an outsider. Now looking back, I think I was just adjusting and perhaps felt more comfortable around people who at least sort of looked like me or like my family members. I also think it was a lesson from the universe about solitude and remembering how to enjoy spending time alone.
Returning from the hike, the reason for having a single room became clear at once due to stomach issues and vomiting. My body was adjusting to the elevation or the food or maybe both. I was very thankful in that moment to have the solitude of my own room. I spent the next few days wandering exploring the town on my own and quietly reading a book in my room while it seemed like everyone else was outside partying their butt’s off. And there, moment by moment, day by day, I remembered how much I love my own company.
Still, they say comparison is the thief of joy. There were definitely some pangs of jealousy from watching strangers laugh together, dance together, while I sat around wallowing in my loneliness. But that’s life. And still I was okay.
The Magic of Lake Atitlan
After a few days in big cities, it was time to move on to another portion of my trip. I went to the second most visited area of Guatemala: Lake Atitlan. I had seen it in pictures, and it looked like an amazing place surrounded by volcanoes. I hoped it was safe. Before getting to the lake, I had discussed it with some fellow tourists and many said that the lake has a way of pulling you in without you realizing. I had planned to go somewhere else after the lake but I found their warnings to be true when I ultimately decided to spend the next two weeks out on the lake. These next two weeks were filled with healing, cocoa, astrology, new friendships, and so much more. It is a story that deserves to go more in depth. It is the story of how I was able to find myself again.
