It seems like an ongoing theme these days in our society. Should I stay or should I go? Honestly, I’ve been wrestling with this question since March 2020. With over two years of thought and preparation on whether to quit my job, it is time to make a choice. At the beginning of this summer, I actually thought I had finally made my decision. I had decided to stay. The comfort of being around something steady that I know so well seemed like it was enough to get me to stay. This past June I told myself to let go of the drama and choose to stay. Then why again do I find that this nagging question has returned?
Listening to my heart or my head?
Back in June when I decided to stay, I was very focused on the logical part of my brain. They had just given me a raise in pay and were firing us up at the annual kickoff to make this our best year yet both individually and as a company. Everyone in my family knows me as the “successful” one with a high-paying job and freedom to work from anywhere. From the outside looking in, everyone thinks I should stay at my job that pays and treats me well. However, they’re not the ones who actually work there. That would be me. Regardless, I decided to listen to my logic, superiors, and family to commit to being a good sales rep.
My job ruined my vacation
I recently returned from a 5-day cruise to Bermuda with my family. This trip was particularly important to me as it is the first family vacation we’ve taken in over 10 years. I relayed this information to my manager and he of course signed off on my vacation days. It just so happened he was also on vacation the week before. I work in sales and that means the end of the month is particularly crazy as we try to make sure all our deals are ready and set to be credited before month-end.
The day I was getting on the cruise, my manager called me frantically to ask about deals that I had already updated him on previously. At this point, I’m getting on a cruise and had no expectations to communicate with him during so I decide to respond before we board. I ended up opening a can of worms as he then wanted me to do a million other things before my boat left. Not only did he somehow convince me to do this while the boat was getting ready to leave the dock, but he then kept calling and texting me throughout the entire cruise.
Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!
I know part of this is on me for not setting better boundaries. Yet, the very notion that he felt comfortable contacting me while on a boat was a huge RED flag. So already I was reeling with anger at this violation of my work-life balance. The culture was also such that I felt like I HAD to respond. In this type of environment, boundaries are blurred, and it feels like you are always ‘on’ since managers and even clients have your direct cellphone line and can contact you 24/7 whether or not you’re working.
Listening to my heart
While on the cruise, I was able to find time to meditate and look inward. I insisted on us getting a balcony room and I’m glad I did since it gave me the space for quiet introspection. During my meditation, I felt that I should trust my heart and trust the universe. Don’t ask me to explain it because I can’t but this is the calm message I received while listening to the ocean waves.
The perfect stranger
On the last day of the cruise, I met a guy from New Jersey. I had just returned from a weekend in the town he was from so we bonded over that. He was an entrepreneur in the weed growing business and told me a story of how years ago, after going on a trip on this very same cruise ship we were currently on, he had quit his boring corporate job at the same age as I am now. He offered this information out of the blue and had no idea that internally I was going through that same dilemma. I was amazed at the loudness with which the universe was telling me to let go of this job. Between my meditations and the conversation with this stranger, I know to ignore these messages would be a detriment.
The universe is loud
Recently, I’ve been receiving signs from the universe in the form of horoscopes, books, and even a stranger that it is time to leave this job. While my head is telling me to stay, my heart is telling me to go. The universe is yelling at me to let go and trust that everything will be okay. I am going to quit my job, it is just a matter of when? When will I get the courage to do so?
Stay tuned. It’s happening.
